I’m interrupting a half-written draft of an article containing musings about business’s lack of focus on their customers due to short-sighted financial reporting. Sounds fascinating, right? It’s not as bad as it could be, but it’s not holding my attention this afternoon. So, here I am writing about me instead.
I recently decided it was time to shut down my little law practice. I’ve been at it all by my lonesome for close to four years. It’s been a good, flexible arrangement that allowed me to work from home, bring in a (little) income and recover from some emotional scars I picked up in a prior life. It has been a good touchstone for my lawyerly career roots, but it’s not what I do best. And, as I wrote a couple of weeks ago in a thinly veiled blog post, my heart isn’t in it.
Our family’s situation is a little odd. We live in a resort community. My husband works two hours away in Denver during the week and my son is living his high school years on the race hill. Through circumstance more than a conscious choice, I am the mostly at-home parent. When I left my big, hefty grown-up job in 2011, I didn’t know what would be next. It soon became clear that I needed a break from high-pressuredness and my husband was fairly terrific about supporting whatever direction life sent me in. And then I was fairly fortunate to gather a handful of clients and keep my fingers in the pie, so to speak.
Nevertheless, it feels like I have been at a crossroad for going on four years. It hasn’t been stagnant and I regret none of it. I’ve settled somewhat, my son is growing in all ways and generally in good directions. I’ve had the luxury of being here almost every day, of thinking, of writing, of spending time with friends and family and traveling with my husband and the Kid. My law practice, for all of its benefits, is also preventing me from looking ahead. It is my little safe place but I don’t belong there. It is time to put one foot in front of the other and trek forward on my own life journey.
Part of me, way in the back recesses, wonders what the next phase will be when I’m not needed here, when the Kid embarks on his grand life adventure outside of our family, when I’m ready to jump back into the soup of everything else. I’m ready to follow my heart instead of my head, to do the thing that best fits me and my gifts. I don’t know where the other side of this crossroad is or when it will get here, but each day and each decision, including this one to stop lawyering, brings it closer.