As a kid, I wondered whether other people saw the same color that I did. I mean, how would you know? Maybe when they see red it’s really blue. (So, yeah, I was a weird kid.)
Lately I’ve been wondering what other people’s mind-voices sound like. Maybe no one else has a voice in their head and I should be in a psych ward, but I suspect that we all have someone on the inside talking to us on a regular basis. My voice generally sounds like me, and she won’t shut up most of the time. Often she is trying to remember what I forgot on my grocery list or reminding me that I’m almost out of gas. I don’t engage in a conversation with her — mostly she is just a soliloquy running on auto play.
She is loudest and hardest to ignore when voicing my insecurities, snarkiness, cynicism and defeatism. When I just don’t want to get out of bed in the morning, she tells me I’m pathetic. Nice, huh? You would hope that your inner voice would be encouraging and helpful. Not mine.
So when she is at her worst, I eventually dig deep in my reserves and give her a swift mental smack and tell her to knock it off. She goes quiet for a while, which, frankly is a bit of a relief. And then I’ll hear her whispering in the background, “It’s beautiful outside. Why don’t you take those puppies for a walk”? And as I look around at the blue skies and mountainsides she says, “Ahhh. Ok. Good call.” And then she starts rambling about whether we’re going to have anyone over for Thanksgiving this year.
What does your inner voice sound like?